On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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