Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
