so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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