I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
