Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
