Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
