I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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