Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
