Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
