you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
