Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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