the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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