I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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