I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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