You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
