Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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