After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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