So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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