i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
