I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You made out with two different species that night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
