We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
