my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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