oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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