After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
