At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
