We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
