he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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