Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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