like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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