the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
