well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
