you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
