Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
