its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
