ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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