You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize