Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
