He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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