there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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