You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Less talking, more tequila
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
