You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
