I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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