Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
