So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
