I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
