If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
