How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
