Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
