Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
