They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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