Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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