How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
