AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
