Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
