It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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