Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
