i think my mom watched the whole time
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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