I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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