shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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