I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
