at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
