im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
