break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
