Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
