I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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