so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
