it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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