Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
