Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
