Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
