He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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