I skipped work to stalk him.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
